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(The natural flow of life is from the infinite formless to form and back again to the formless. This natural flow applies to all aspects of the universe, be it the seasons of the year, the life and death of a star, or the life and death of a human being. Life's physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual dimensions are merely different expressions of life's infinite energy in motion. All creation follows the four steps of this universal law: Creation / Formation / Manifestion / Dissolving. What keeps the majority of human beings from experiencing life as a series of unfolding, flowing, creative, successive moments of NOW filled with joy, love, and wonder at the miracle and diversity of life? What are the barriers to spontaneously dissolving negative, limiting thoughts and feelings so that we are free to be fully present NOW, unburdened by past events, circumstances, and beliefs? What determines whether our response to life is a stimulus-response reaction shaped by re-runs of images from the past or is guided by the creative, responsive originality and wisdom of our true nature? The following is the first of a series of reflections on the various illusions, blocks, and barriers that keep us from spontaneously dissolving the past and creating our lives newly in each moment from our core wisdom.)
Have you ever watched two young children get really angry with each other, threaten to end their friendship, and then, less than an hour later, are playing together again as if nothing happened? Perhaps you can even recall doing this yourself with a brother, sister, or friend.
Whatever the "cause" of that argument or fight, the ending of it may include some of the following statements:
"I want to ________________ now!"
Both children then run or walk off in separate directions, expressing anger and upset. In a short period of time, they are back playing together again as if the earlier event had not existed (which is an adult's way of viewing what actually occured ---that the anger, rage, upset, etc. had dissolved, was no longer present, and that that past had no effect of this new moment of NOW).
The abilty to rapidly let go of negative emotions, feelings, thoughts, and decisions is natural to all of us. What is not natural, but is normal for many, is that the ability to simply and easily release negative emotions and upsets seems to atrophy over time, replaced by a growing compulsion to construct in one's mind an ever-expanding mental "Accounting Journal of Upsets." This journal is an inner mental list of accounts we have against others for the things we perceived that they did or didn't do to or for us. It lists our accounting of all the ways that others upset us, the ways that they didn't do what they said they would do, the ways that they didn't do what we believed that they "should" do or the ways that what they didn't fit our ideals or standards of how they should be. This inner journal of upsets catalogs all of the perceived wrongs, betrayals, and mistakes they have made to or toward us, and includes a formidable list of decisions and judgments about each person, plus a list of what they owe us in order to get back in our good graces and be forgiven.
The rarer good deeds that may be recorded in the journal have a questionable, shakey existence, as any perceived negative action taken in the future by that person will automatically create a stain on any positives that has previously been noted. In some cases, the journal may include a simple, short journal entree, "Unforgivable" next to someone's name and behavior and that is that. Vote cancelled. Case closed.
All perceived slights, lack of appreciation, humiliations, insults, and thoughtless or inappropriate behavior recorded about others are completely justified by the blindingly arrogant belief that others should always behave in a way that is right, proper, and justifiable, and that others ought to know what is right, proper and justifiable based on what makes the journal's author comfortable, secure, happy, and non-disturbed. This obviously requires of others the ability to become master psychics to be able to always be successful in knowing how to be and how to act, plus needing to constantly focus only on what is consistent with the author's point of view, interest, or concerns. The desire for others to act in this way to make one happy and satisfied is the infant's view of life, "Everything and everybody revolves around me and what I want." This view guarantees that the larger the accounting journal of upsets grows, the more its author will experience being the victim of other people's behavior, and less capable of embracing life as it is and realizing themselves as the source of their own state of being regardless of the circumstances. The"accounts receivable" journal quickly becomes the poison pill that justifies living a life filled with bitterness, anger, rage, grief, apathy, and fear, leading to recurring thoughts and images of revenge and violence which slowly eat away at one's body and soul.
There is also a special section in the journal of upsets that is titled, "ME". In it, are recorded all the ways the author of the journal has fallen short, is not okay, betrayed self or others, and does not meet their own ideals. For many people, this section is the largest, filled with lamentations, self-curses and thoughts of self-loathing. However, the list of what they can do to forgive themselves and be at peace is often the shortest in the journal or does not exist at all, so hopeless does the possibility of recovery or redemption seem. Meanwhile, as the size of the journal grows within, the ability to be fully present in the NOW, to embrace life in each and every moment, and to love others and oneself as expressions of Spirit shrinks, grows dim, and is forgotten in the growing inner darkness.
If you are fully committed to living from your true, joyous nature, you can begin by moving your upset accounts out of the mind and onto a piece a paper. Write each one down separately. Be specific. What happened? Who did it? Where? When? Write down what you said they did to you or didn't do. Write down what you say they owe you. Write down your judgments and conclusions about the others. Now write down what ideal of yours was violated. And write down both the benefit and cost you are getting if holding on to all of it.
When you have completed the above on one item in your journal of upsets, take one of the methods for dissolving that you have learned in Core Wisdom (or any other effective method), and get to work dissolving each item in the journal of accounts until there is nothing left. You will know when you have dissolved an item because the negative emotions and thoughts will be gone, and in their place will be what has always been there underneath--- understanding, compassion, and love.
The list of upsets is not infinite. If you dissolve just one resentment, anger, or other upset in your list of accounts per day, in a short time your life will be transformed as you awaken from the trance of victimhood, powerlessness, and blame. Rapidly, you will realize that the whole accounting system of upsets you have believed in is a fraud that is even more flawed, worthless, and illusionary than the derivative credit-swaps schemes that are currently contributing to the current global financial troubles. When one is able to look at each entry in the upset journal with open eyes, and realize that the accounts are all illusions that hide our capacity to be the authors and creators of our lives in the NOW, the whole construct of negative emotions, beliefs, resentments, and stories about the way we are ---which had seemed so solid a moment before --collapses like a house of cards.
Awaken in awareness to one's true nature, and a rapid and remarkable transmutation occurs within and without. Effort and struggle drop away. Flow, intuitive knowing, courage, and peace reveal themselves as our true expressions. What is left in place of the drama and angst of the past and the projected fear of the future (always based on past images) is freedom, compassion, and love for all beings, including the one that previously referred to itself as "me".
-- Hal Isen
From Core Wisdom On-Line Number 93 - March 3, 2009 | |||||||||||
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