Reflections on "Accounts Receivable"

"We have all heard the expressions 'the pure in heart' and 'the clean in heart' and, of course, generally we have been taught to regard that as meaning that we didn't think about sex very often. The [Wisdom] Teaching says that [an impure or unclean heart] is due to 'Accounts Receivable.' That we have made accounts against people and [we believe] that they owe us and that this makes the heart impure and unclean."

                -- Dr. Robert Gibson

"The Days of Awe" On the evening of Monday, October 3rd, 2005 the sacred ten day period in Judaism called "The Days of Awe" began. These 10 days between the beginning of the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah (Head of the Year), and Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) are dedicated to deep personal reflection, transformation, and forgiveness regarding one's thoughts and actions in relationship to others, self, and God during the past year. It is a time to inquire into where we went astray and "missed the mark," and then to make atonement, correction and amends. In this way the New Year can literally be a new beginning..

Many traditions have designated a special place and time for such a practice. Depending on the tradition, it may be done with a group, or practiced alone at home or in the wilderness. It may take place once a year, once a month, once a week (the Sabbath) or daily.

For most of us, these are times to perform familiar (and often moving) ancient rituals. We are content to go to worship services, say the prayers, listen the sermons, fast, and do the practices of asking and giving forgiveness. Yet, very few of us take full advantage of the transformational aspects of the "Days of Awe," and similar practices. Do we use it as a time to rigorously question, at the deepest level, the purpose of living? Are we willing to honestly and ruthlessly shine the light of awareness on the unexamined beliefs, behaviors, and desires that are shaping and guiding our daily lives?

When we embrace the gift of self-examination with full sincerity, commitment and wisdom, we can actually experience them as "Days of Awe" --- a time during which the past is completed, and the heart is cleaned of all anger, resentment, fear, sadness, and arrogance. Then the Day of Atonement is transformed into a Day of At-ONEment. All sense of separation from others, the universe, and God is dissolved. What is left is love, gratitude, and openness toward all that is.

A Key to Inner Peace and Freedom

One of the "secret keys" to completing the past, releasing all negative emotions, thoughts,and limiting beliefs, and becoming "pure of heart" and "clean of heart" is something as simple as it is powerful. If you do it thoroughly, you will experience all sense of burden falling away, replaced by a lightness, a joy, and an inner peace beyond any you have ever known. The key is to inquire into and dissolve what the spiritual teacher, Dr. Robert Gibson, called, "Accounts Receivable."

The 4 Aspects of "Accounts Receivable"

Over the years, we have made mental accounts against people for what we said they did to us, and the accounts include what we say they owe us in order to wipe the account off the books.

"Accounts Receivable" is the mental list that we hold in our minds and hearts that keeps us stuck in the past with anger, resentment, hate, fear, guilt, and apathy. It is the mental list we have made of the people in our lives who violated our ideals and standards, who have said or done something that we decided was hurtful, rude, inconsiderate, bad. wrong, etc. It is the center of power for our judgments and justifications. A great teacher once said, "Judge Not." But we go on judging all the same, transferring our anger, resentment, etc. into every cell of our body, depleting our energy on imaginary images of violence on those we feel "wronged us."

It is "Accounts Receivable" that make the heart impure or unclean. It is "Accounts Receivable" that is the disintegrating factor in human beings, that ages us, that has us view the world with self-pity, separateness, bitterness, remorse, cynicism, regret and apathy.

Most of all, "Accounts Receivable" guarantees that we live our lives as VICTIMS, not as creators. It guarantees that we abdicate our power to be the Source of our inner state of Being, and give that power away in the form BLAMING others and the circumstances for our lack of inner peace, love and joy.

The "Accounts Receivable" list usually starts with parents or the people who looked after you when you were young. It can include teachers and peers of the child growing up. It can include various interactions with people in authority. It can include most of the people in your family, your friends, and those that you work with.

There are four parts for each listing in "Accounts Receivable": (1) the NAME of the person who violated our ideal of what they should or shouldn't have done, (2) the INCIDENT that happened (what they did or didn't do, the way they mistreated us in one form or another), (3) the IDEAL or standard (what he, she, they "should, should not, ought to" have done) that they violated, and (3) WHAT THEY OWE US.

I invite to to get yourself a notebook or some sheets of paper. Take a sheet of paper, and across the top write, "Accounts Receivable." On the next line write the following four catagories this way:

Name  Incident  Ideals/Beliefs Violated  What they owe us

Now pick a family member, a friend, or someone at work that you have some lingering feeling of anger, resentment, disappointment, etc. with, and write out whatever is in your mind in each of the four catagories. Take your time so that you are inquiring into what is there in your mind authentically. Remember, there are no ideals "out there." All ideals that you have about what they "should, shouldn't and ought to" be, do or have are made up by human beings, and differ from culture to culture. Most of them are inherited beliefs that have never been questioned or examined, yet they are accepted to be "true" and given power over your thoughts, perceptions and actions.

As you inquire into this internal mental list, you may discover that what they "owe you" is impossible to every pay. If you say they owe you an apology, and they apologize, what do you put down then? Have you fully forgiven the whole thing and forgotten about it, or do you say," they didn't really mean it?"

Freedom Through Inquiry

Freeing yourself from the dark, constricting, and deadening grip of your internal "Accounts Receivable" begins with moving it from the level of unconsciousness to the level of awareness. When you become aware of something that has been unconsciously shaping your life, you can free yourself from its control.

When you make this list of "Accounts Receivable," moving it into the light of your awareness and examining it, you will see that much of what you are living your life from is an illusion. When you see that it is an illusion, it will dissolve like a mirage on the desert, and your heart will be "clean" (For those of you who have participated in a Core Wisdom course or coaching session, the methods that you learned for dissolving past limitations can also be used as a part of this releasing and freeing process).

Forgiveness

You will also discover what is really meant by "forgiveness." The dictionary defines "forgiveness" in very practical terms: "To give up resentment against, or the desire to punish. To stop being angry with, to pardon." Forgiveness is not something you do. It is a shift in your state of Being, in which you see the world in a new way.

Doing It vs. Reading About it

I want to emphasize that reading these words about "Accounts Receivable" will make little difference, but if you actually do the work, you will experience a profound transmutation in your state of Being. Warning: Doing the "Accounts Receivable" list is a terrifying threat to the False Self, and it will resist. It views this list as made in indelible ink, and what "they owe you" as never being able to be fulfilled, since the false way of Being gets its power from the negative emotions, thoughts and worldview retained in the "Accounts Receivable."

Useful Roadmaps for Beginning

The names, incidents, ideals we say they violated, and "what they owe us" in our "Accounts Receivable" internal lists have been there for so long, that we have taken them for granted. Therefore, I've listed below a rough road map of areas to observe to "kick start" bringing to awareness your list of accounts receivable. These are unconscious beliefs that validate the existence of and hold the internal accounts in place. Use these unexamined beliefs as guides to bring names, incidents and "what they owe me" to the surface of your awareness. Engage with these thoroughly and completely, and others will spontaneously follow.

I BELIEVE THAT ALL THOSE IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH ME MISTREAT ME FROM TIME TO TIME. (This "I" and in all cases listed below, is the false self talking. Put down in writing as thoroughly and specifically as you can, who mistreated you, what happened, and what they owe you).

I BELIEVE THAT I MERIT MORE ATTENTION THAN I GET ("I did all those things for her, him, them, and they didn't appreciate it!")

I BELIEVE THAT DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES, I HAVE NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO DEMONSTRATE MY REAL GREATNESS (Circumstances are made up of people. Who denied me happiness, approval, attention, and self-esteem so that I could never fulfill my potential?)

I BELIEVE I AM ENTITLED TO HAVE MY WAY NOW, AND IF I DO NOT GET MY WAY NOW, SOMEBODY OWES ME (Who is to blame for my not getting my way?)

I BELIEVE THAT IF YOU WERE DECENT AND GOOD THAT YOU WOULD HELP ME HAVE MY WAY RIGHT NOW ("You may not have gotten in my way, but you didn't help me knock down the people who did!").

I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE DESERVING OF BLAME FOR NOT ALWAYS LOOKING AT WHAT IS BEST FOR ME, AND THAT IT IS MY DUTY TO POINT IT OUT TO YOU AND DEMAND THAT YOU CEASE BEING TO BLAME, ADMIT YOUR PAST BEHAVIOR AND PAY DAMAGES TO ME. ("If you really loved and cared for me, you would always be looking to make me happy, instead of putting attention on yourself, which is selfish and inconsiderate.")

I BELIEVE THAT I AM VICTIMIZED BY YOU AND OTHERS INTO BEING MADE TO FEEL ANGER, FEAR, GUILT, INSECURITY, ENVY, JEALOUSY, ETC. AND I BELIEVE THAT IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT THAT I AM IN THIS MISERABLE STATE ("You hurt my feelings! Because of you, and what you did, didn't do, said, felt, etc. I am feeling the way I do!")

I BELIEVE THAT I HAVE ALL VIRTUES IN JUST ABOUT THE PROPER DEGREE, INCLUDING HUMILITY, BY INSISTING THAT I AM INADEQUATE. HOWEVER, I BELIEVE IF ANYONE AGREES THAT I AM INADEQUATE, THAT THEY ARE UNKIND AND THEY OWE ME A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT. ("It is your job to tell me how wonderful and terrific I am, particularly when I am pointing out to you my flaws and weaknesses. Your job is to argue with me about my negative assessment, praise me, and validate me so that I have a payoff for my self-pity. And if you don't let me know how really wonderful I am and how mistaken I am about myself, then you don't really love me or support me.")

I BELIEVE THAT I AM CAPABLE OF DIRECTING YOUR AFFAIRS AND THAT YOU WOULD HAVE NO DIFFICULTIES IF YOU WOULD JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ("If they had just taken my advice, and done as I told them, they would have been all right.").

A Practical Application in Action

What is the value of the above exercises? What is their practical application?

Some years ago, I received a phone call from a woman inquiring about Core Wisdom. She was interested in both the Course and personal coaching, but she had an immediate and urgent matter at hand, one that couldn't wait for a course or a session.

"I'm flying to the east coast tomorrow for our family reunion, and I loath the idea of going," she said, her voice filled with bitterness and frustration. She then launched into a fast verbal tour of her judgments and conclusions about most of her relatives who would be there, how she couldn't bear to be with them, how this reunion was something that she had to put up with, tolerate, and endure. She complained about how an aunt had let her down as a child, how that a cousin had betrayed her, how a brother was wasting his life, and how if she had to listen to her Uncle Frank tell his war story one more time, she would scream.

When she was through, I asked her if she would be willing to be free of all the anger, resentment, fear, etc. that she felt when she thought about her family and going to the reunion.

She paused before responding. That was encouraging. She was really looking instead of giving me a rote answer. "Yes," she replied slowly, "what do I have to do?"

"A simple experiment," I replied. "While you're on the plane flying to your reunion, use your six plus hours of travel time to make a list of everyone of your relatives who is going to be at the reunion by name, what they did or didn't do to or for you. Include whatever emotions and thoughts are present, and what ideal of yours they violated. You know, 'she should have done this, he should have done that', and so forth. Then add what they each owe you for doing that. Take a few moments to reflect on each item on your list after you write it, and see what reveals itself to you. Would you be willing to do that?"

"What good will it do?," she responded cautiously.

"Would you be willing to do this as an experiment and find out?"

"Yes," she said, "I am desperate enough to try anything!"

A few weeks later, she called. The flight had been a revelation. With each mile she flew, she dropped some more of the anger, resentment, etc. that she had been carrying around like baggage over the years. As she did so, her viewpoint of herself as a victim of "them" began to weaken, shift, and then dissolve. She began to recover authorship for her own life. The more she wrote the more she saw clearly where the source of her inner state of Being really lived, and it was not in her beliefs and ideals of the way her family "ought to be.".

"The reunion was incredible!," she said enthusiastically. " At the reunion, I found that all of the concerns, fears, and defensiveness that I had before my flight was gone. I was able to BE with each person the way they were, instead of being in my head judging and evaluating them on the basis of whether or not they fit my ideal of how they should be." She stopped for a moment. Then in a quieter voice said, "You know, that may have been the first time in my life I was actually with my family. I think most of time, I've only seen them through my judgments and pictures of whether they were giving me the approval, attention, and love I believed I deserved.. Suddenly, instead of being irritated with them for not measuring up to my standards, I could let them be the way they were. Instead of resisting them, I could be with them. When Uncle Frank corralled me to tell his story --- ah, yes, it did happen! --- my first thought was, 'Oh, no!', but as I started to listen, I realized that it may have been the first time I ever really listened to him without judgments, and I realized all he's been trying to do all these years is communicate what it was like for him. The guy really had a lot of courage in a horrific situation. Somehow, maybe because I was actually listening, he said details of the story that he had never told anyone before. It had been too painful. He lost close friends that day, and saved a buddy's life. I really understood him for the first time."

She was quiet again for a moment before she continued, "I guess when you really listen to another person, it's a gift, because it seemed to me that Uncle Frank let go of something, too, by being able to say what he could never say before, and to know that there was someone really there to hear it."

She laughed, saying that she had a sense now of what "compassion" meant.

Invitation

I invite you to experience the freedom and joy available when the unconscious beliefs, decisions, conclusions, and feelings are exposed to the light of awareness. Completing your list fully may take a week or two or more, but it will be well worth the investment you are making in the quality of your inner and outer life.

Making this list will illuminate the false way of being whose sole purpose is to gain approval, attention, control and security. The false way of being thrives in the dark of ignorance and unconsciousness, since its greatest fear and perceived enemy is the Light and Love of your true nature. Do you know what happens when vampires are exposed to the light of day? They dissolve in the light. That is what occurs when we bring awareness instead of belief to what clouds the light of our own Beingness. This is what is meant by "Know the Truth, and the Truth shall set you free."

                -- Hal Isen

From Core Wisdom On-Line Number 58 - October 11, 2005
� 2005 Hal Isen & Associates, Inc.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in: forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

                -- Ralph Waldo Emmerson

Hal Isen & Associates, Inc. 541-488-7687 [email protected] Ashland, OR 97520